Old Habits Hit Like A Truck

Picture it you are walking through a store contemplating what to get, as you walk among the vast choices, you come to a realization; it's all bad for you. Everything my eye turned to was no good. I literally walked around the store with a jar or pasta sauce for what felt like an hour. Everywhere I turned I saw something that looked delicious but was going to be bad for me. I had what amounts to a mini panic attack and went back into old food habits. Instead of making smart choice I let myself fall victim to the stuff I have tried hard to avoid. What did I get? Well I am sad to say I got little party pizza's and some soda. Yes my little streak of being soda free is over, boy that didn't last long for me to cave. I felt gross drinking it, I really did. I felt bloated and unpleasant. Makes you wonder why I would even drink the stuff, the old habits die hard and this one came roaring back. I wish I would have just walked out of the store instead of buying food that is poison for my goals. I did not though instead I took a step backward in the form of a little cheesy pizza with a soda as disgusting dressing. The only thing about this that I can be happy about is the fact I only bought a 20oz one and not a fridge pack or 2 liter. So the bad decision stays a harsh reminder how easily I can succumb to the temptation, instead of a fleeting bad choice that sits in my fridge mocking me. I am not happy with this turn of events after I was doing better. I hope that I can steer this ship back on course and avoid the metaphorical iceberg that will sink the SS Josh. All ahead full!

Before Pics, So excited!

So it is that time, time for the before pictures of this journey of mine. If you don't want to see the disgusting mass that is my current state then why did you click this? As you can tell I took them myself since I don't trust anyone enough to see me in this form. I may not be excited for this but the best part of taking before pictures is that there will be an after set. So lets get this over with shall we so we can move on.

Doing it Reddit Gone Wild style we'll start with on, then off.

On

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And Drum Roll..................................Off

I know gross right.

How about a side view??

I wish I could smile so the after pictures would look somewhat similar expression wise, but looking at myself in the full length mirror I saw no reason to smile. As I said in order to get after pictures there needs to be before ones. As you can see 320 pounds does not suit me all that well, which is why is needs to go.

See you on the other side...... or when I post again!

Video Post?? Be Cool Everyone! It's Just A Test!

Remember it's just a test nothing substantial except for maybe my glorious face in motion, I know technology crazy right? So lets see how it goes.

Video Entries?

So I am tossing around the thought of doing video entries on this in the near future, as a way to get more out and save my fingers some work. It's up in the air as I have some kinks to work out with that, namely my speech speed. I talk very fast, faster when excited. I don't see it as a problem (I mean I can understand me) but people I know tell me to slow down constantly. So if i can curve my speed to regular human levels you may see video entries on this as the time passes. Don't be surprised to see some in the coming months.

1 Week Down, Not A Lot To Jump For Joy About. Well Maybe One Thing....Oh and Elysium!

So here we are just about the end of the first week of my self improvement project. I wish I could write about little victories and triumphs of self that I have made, but alas I have not improved much. I did Zumba that one time so far. No reason why I didn't do it every day or every other. have started to establish a little better eating habits, not great yet as instead of eating junk I barely eat now but maybe two meals a day. I know that's not healthy obviously but other side of the coin overeating I have not done since I started. I ate a little too much here and there but that's more misportioning my food. I was able to buy groceries without succumbing to any crap. Although I did find ot that some food labels are deviously deceptive. Example I bought these Marie Calendar pot pies, front of the box says like 581 calories. I am like score still tasty and should fill me up. Turns out the box is a two portion meal! So eating one is a good 1,000 cals. admittedly I was taken aback by this, as I was happy I found smart alternatives yet still found a way to almost ruin it. I doubt I will be able to eat half of it if I cook it, because lets face it thing looks delicious its even got bacon for crying out loud. While I was looking at salad stuff since i do enjoy salad from time to time, but I am no rabbit. I glanced over and saw a pizza. Damn you Walmart for placing cheesy goodness by the produce. I am not going to lie I strolled over, my mouth watered slightly as I was looking at the goods. I saw it the moment I walked over, the six cheese stuffed crust goddess beckoning me to grab her in the worst way. It was as if it knew I was about done with my shopping and saw room in my cart for it. I picked up the box, thinking to myself it can't hurt to cheat this once right? I flipped over the box and read the cal. information and laughed. Since I knew how I was with pizza and knew I would never be able to just eat one slice (at least not yet! goals baby!) I counted the calories I would ingest if I bought the tasty treat. All totaled it was something around 3,000 calories. My eyes got big for a second, I laughed and put the box back saying nooooooooooo. I didn't think it would have been so bad but where you add all the cheeses both topping and crust it gets bad. So I celebrated that little victory as I walked to the checkout, with a little pep in my step for I knew that I had chosen smart options over greasy delicious bad ones. I admit I did cheat a little at checkout as I was so hungry from only having a bowl of cereal and banana all day, that I bought a candy bar while I waited and devoured it while I loaded my truck. It was so good but so bad, but not as bad as the pizza would have been so that's a small victory that I can plant my flag in.

On a side note I have been good with my lack of soda, as of writing this I am soda free!! I feel better I don't look any better but physically I feel better so that's a plus. It has been tough going sticking with water for the most part adding in some crystal light from time to time. But I have been good so far not a drop of the devils nectar has touched my sweet sweet lips. Haha another win for the week.

Oh on a note to the side of that one up there, I know too many notes right? Anyway I picked up Elysium while I was shopping and sweet damn was it a great flick. Neil Blomkamp is starting to  to become my favorite director ever. With his first movie District 9 being so good, his follow up was superb. If you haven't seen it I for sure wont spoil anything but its good go see it. Rent it or buy it like I did either way experience it. I went in blind to a degree (I did see trailers a while back) and wow it's just good. Watch it!!!

So that's it for this week, small victories but nothing I would run down the street shouting. I have to think that building on these smaller victories will lead to greater success so we will see how it all pans out as the days continue to tick by.

Josh Out!

Turns out I am a tad rusty....

So last night or I guess in proper context this morning around 3 AM, I decided it was time to do it. I was playing around on my PS3 and looking at my Zumba videos I had on the drive and pressed play. I ate my dinner earlier which consisted of a garden salad mix with lettuce, cabbage, and carrots. I added some chicken and Catalina dressing, it was pretty tasty. I didn't want another night to pass without giving it a go, so pressing play was what needed to be done. While I was doing it, I remembered a lot of the steps. Granted I still lack that coordination with some of my body but I was able to do most of the video with little to no problem. I had to skip some because A. I can't jump around my place at 3 AM and B. I am just not there physically yet. What I did do though was show myself how rusty I was, not with remembering but just my body being moved around so much. I am glad I finally pressed play, since once I start doing it only good things can come from that start. I hastily decided to weigh myself tonight at work just to see if anything has changed in the last few days. Nothing as of yet, still 321 but I do feel better, no headaches today. I still haven't had any soda which I am happy about I hope I can keep that away from myself and not give in to it. I just have to ask myself "am I making smart choices?" since the only person I will hurt by cheating or going off track is myself. One more day toward a better me, bring me that horizon!

Coming Soon Before Pics!

Before I forget: The part of this story of mine for which I am not excited for at all will be coming soon. I know, I know you can't contain your excitement for it and frankly neither can I! So look for those in a little bit, we will see if we can transform this disgusting mass of a man into something I can be proud of. So keep a look out or prepare to be blind either way it needs to happen.

Not as easy as flipping a switch

So I was thinking today about what I wrote recently and realized I had to change my habits pretty significantly in order to accomplish my ultimate goal. How does one simply turn it around? I thought about while I relaxed on my couch playing the new Zelda game. I was hungry but was I really? It's hard to explain being hungry when you aren't really. Eating even when you aren't hungry is a problem I have had for a while, and no I am not talking about having a snack every so often I am talking eating because it's there. I am going to have to alter my entire eating habits and that will not be easy. I recently did something I rarely do, I talked about this "change" and my feelings as it were to my Mom who I do not really ever talk about this kind of thing. Usually I will avoid the question or try and move the conversation onto something else. I do the same when it comes to me dating. But I think she knows now how I feel about myself and why I have been single. So now that she knows I have another layer of support to rely on. I told her about my deplorable eating habits telling her how I would fill a tray instead of putting few on their. I talked about working on portion control I need to do that. I will keep this one shorter than last, as not to drag it on. I will say this still no soda, I drank water and crystal light, I did wake up with a headache today but went away. But so far so good I didn't do Zumba that night I did play games while I walked in place for over 2000 steps so I did do something I also earned 10 play coins from my 3DS (it has a pedometer inside and for every 100 steps you get a coin up to 10 per day) so onward and upward!

Let The Revolution Begin!

You read that correctly, I am now overthrowing the government that is me. The regime that has been in place has let the country fall into disrepair. Enough is enough, I am tired of the establishment making little to no effort to fix what is wrong. We can all see it, other nations look at us and scoff. We need to take back what's ours and fix what's wrong with this great nation of Josh.

If you know me, you know I am a large fellow. Screw it I wont beat around the bush about it I am fat. Doctors would say obese and who am I to argue with a doctor? I have let myself go for a number of reasons, which I am sure I will delve into as I write this. I am not going to hide behind falsehoods and layers anymore. I need to make a change, not for anyone else but for myself. I want to look into the mirror and not sigh with frustration about the person that I have become. I want to be able to buy clothes without almost crying since nothing that is "my size" fits. I want to go out again, I have been single for so long because I don't like myself enough to try. People try and set me up from time to time but how can I expect anyone to like me when frankly I hate myself.

I am not writing this as a plea for sympathy or help, I am writing this to share my story of change. The struggles I will endure trying to ultimately change the person I have become over the last twenty eight years. If you like what you read support is always appreciated. It will be an uphill battle for sure but thankfully through countless internet searches and things I have read, I have a decent understanding of ways to be better. I know the problems that I have with weight, the main causes for my fatness. I just need to actually do something about it. First step was talking to people I knew personally about it and hearing myself talk about my habits disgusted me to no end. What normal people would cook to feed a few people would just be a meal to me and that's fucking depressing to know I do that and still do it.

The biggest hurdle I will face right out of the metaphorical gate is saying no to soda. I drink so much soda, that i am surprised I don't have any medical problems. I have been cursed by my thirst for the stuff since I was younger back then my folks used to hide 12 packs in the house and my fat ass would hunt them down like a caffeine blood hound. Now that I am an adult and live alone the amount I consume is worse now than ever 12 packs do not last long in my house. Which when you figure in I live alone it's worse. When you actually sit down as I have and think about it, ingesting a days worth of calories in soda alone is shameful. I am certainly not proud of my consumption and that is one thing I look to change first.

Second big one is an exercise routine, a while back on my other blog I wrote about me trying Zumba and enjoying it. I will be starting that again, as when I did it for a week I lost 9 pounds and felt really good. Trying to figure out why I stopped is something I still haven't uncovered. If I can work in some Zumba every day or every other day I will hopefully start to feel better about myself and in turn keep doing it. I still know the moves and tried to show some of the girls at work how to, the stuff is still fun and doing an hour a day is really easy. I need to get off my ass and do that, they have a message preach of "not having to be great at the start, but you have to start to be great". I need to start because I mean I am great just have to get the rest of me in line with everything else.

So there you have it strangers and friends alike welcome to the revolution, down with fat government, we demand a better establishment and by the power I can muster I will strive to do that for myself and my people. Viva La Revolution!

Goal for today, when I get off pop on Zumba and do that for about an hour or so. Until next time.....